BY ACE, DUDE, DAISY AND BETTY

Ace, Dude, Daisy, and Betty have teamed up this month for our Sports Page edition. Normally, we take turns writing about sports issues which is pretty effective since we all have such diverse thoughts and rants about sports, the issues, and those who play the games we love to watch. However, with this month’s Corridor theme being all about what we love in Missoula, we felt it would be cool to join forces and write this one together. So we talked to some friends and amongst ourselves to come up with a list of “What We Love About Sports in Missoula”.
We are sure that this list is going to create some discussion. After all, it is not meant as a complete “be all…end all” list. It is really the creation of our unusual minds and those unstable minds of our friends. But we found this list fun nonetheless.
What We Love About Sports in Missoula…..
MaggotFest – We love this tournament that is not only great sport but one heck of a great party. It is also not a bad thing for our local economy. However, anyone else ever think it was odd that this rugby and party event occurs on Mother’s Day every year?!
Local Adult Hockey – Really what isn’t there to love about the entire Glacier Ice Rink and it’s many programs? Yet, adult hockey in Missoula is just an amazing thing. The Missoula association ranks 20th in the Nation with USA Hockey in registered members. Missoula has 1,206 registered adult USA Hockey members. The 20th place ranking is out of 649 associations nationwide. Amazing!
Curling – While we are on the topic of ice sports….how about the increase in popularity of curling in Missoula over the past two years? Yes that’s right…curling. We have a curling club here in Missoula. They play on the outdoor hockey ice sheet at Glacier Ice Rink at crazy times due to the lack of available ice. They have a league with 24 teams. They provide the curling stones, brooms, and shoe slides so you just have to show up. However, despite all that, we put curling on the list, because we think it is one of the most fun things to do in winter. A complete blast of a good time if you haven’t tried it yet.
The Real Osprey Mascot – We just think the real life Osprey nest at Ogren Park Allegiance Field is really cool. Especially when the real bird catches a fish and then shows it off with a magnificent flyover as the baseball crowd cheers. Cool stuff.
The Great Outdoors – How blessed are we to have such a great natural environment for sports and our active lifestyles? Doesn’t really matter your interest here….fly fishing, skiing, biking, tubing, kayaking, running, walking, hiking, hunting, and on and on….it is all great stuff.
Griz Football – Griz football as described by Dude, “Division I atmosphere in a small city”. Big time football, big time tailgating, big time fun. Enough said.
Missoula Marathon – How amazing is this event! It has grown so much not only in numbers, but in national recognition, fun, and local benefit. This has become a true economic driver for our community in the summer. And nationally….it was named the #1 marathon in the country by Runners World after only it’s third year.
Beating the Cats – We love it when we beat the Cats. We love it when we beat them in anything. Whether it be football, basketball, or even Tiddlywinks…just win baby!
Osprey Baseball – Is there anything better in the summer than enjoying a cold Beer, hot dog, and baseball game along the Clark Fork River?
Brennan’s Wave – Kayaking on the river in downtown Missoula is not the only great thing about whitewater outdoor recreational gem. How about the U.S. Freestyle Kayaking Championships that brought 5,000 spectators and 200 competitors? Great!
Is there more to love about sports in Missoula? Oh yeah, plenty more. However, we are out of space and it gives us something to write about next year. One thing we are all in agreement about is that we really do.

by ACE
illustration by SCOTT WOODALL

The Sports Page and Corridor just completed their first year in publication.  As we head into our 2nd holiday season, we thought the November Sports Page would be best served to make some deserving annual awards.  Honor the best of the best.  However, as we usually do here at the Sports Page we decided to take a non-traditional approach.  Instead of honoring the special performances, amazing athletes, and championship teams from the past year like most journalists do, we are going to honor those events or people who have made us shake our head with disappointment, frustration, or even comical laughter.  That’s right….it is time to honor the worst of the year in sports….we present THE FIRST ANNUAL SPORTS PAGE TURKEY AWARDS!
And the Winner is….. (or should we say Loser) NFL Replacement Refs
This fiasco is well documented by football fans everywhere.  The National Football League and NFL Referees Association got themselves into a labor dispute that caused the NFL to use replacement referees not only in the pre-season but all the way into week #3 of the regular season.  Although the replacement referees did as well as they could, they were not prepared for the speed and athleticism of the NFL game.  As a result, many mistakes were made with the tipping point coming on a week 3 nationally televised Monday Night Football game between the Seattle Seahawks and Green Bay Packers.  An incorrect call on the final play of the game gave the win to Seattle instead of Green Bay causing the replacement ref controversy to reach new heights.  Amazingly, the labor dispute was resolved just two days later.
And the Winner is….. Lance Armstrong
For all the good Lance Armstrong has done through his charity the Lance Armstrong Foundation supporting people affected by cancer, it is with a heavy heart to award Armstrong with a Turkey Award.  However, how can you not?  Assuming the allegations from the United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) and Union Cycliste Internationale (UCI) are true, Armstrong was a mastermind and participant in one of the most elaborate doping operations in sports history.  He cheated his way to 7 Tour De France victories, millions in wealth, and the false adulation of fans.  If the allegations are not true, Armstrong still deserves the Turkey Award for failing to defend himself to the end so we could hear his side of the story.  His fans, sponsors, and supporters deserved more.
And the Winner is….. Ozzie Guillen
The eccentric and outspoken Guillen gets the Turkey Award for being just that…outspoken.  His knack for putting his foot in his mouth made him a deserving Turkey Award winner.  On April 10th of this year, Guillen made the following comments about former Cuban dictator Fidel Castro to Time magazine, “I love Fidel Castro….I respect Fidel Castro.  You know why?  A lot of people have wanted to kill Fidel Castro for the last 60 years, but that (expletive) is still here.”  Smart move Mr. Guillen.  Just hired in the off-season by the Miami Marlins to connect to their Hispanic market, Guillen insults that very same group of supporters just days after the franchise opened a brand new stadium paid by the taxpayers of Miami.  Can you say Turkey!
And the Winner is….. Bobby Petrino
So many reasons to award Bobby Petrino with a Turkey Award.  If this were an award show, Petrino would have multiple nominations and wins.  The first mistake was to get into a motorcycle accident without a helmet.  The second mistake was to lie about how the accident happened by changing and leaving out some pertinent details.  The third mistake was that he was riding the motorcycle with his mistress.  The fourth mistake was that the mistress, who was engaged to be married to someone else, was hired by Petrino and received preferential treatment due to the relationship even though it was not disclosed at the time.  Enough already….Turkey Award!
And the Winner is….. Alex Rodriguez
If we had the Turkey Awards in previous years, Alex Rodriguez would surely have won one in the past with his steroid use and denials.  However, since we are living in the present year we have decided he is deserving for another reason.  During the American League Championship Series this year versus Detroit, Rodriguez was seen delivering a baseball to a female fan.  Apparently, he was able to get her phone number for use after the game.  So let me understand this.  Your in a playoff game to get to the World Series and your focused on securing a date.  Any wonder why the Yankees got swept by the Tigers?  Definitely deserving of a Turkey Award.
There are many more losers… I mean people deserving of a Turkey Award.  Some honorable mentions include the NHL, Voula Papachristou, Lolo Jones, John L Smith, and Ryan Leaf among others.  However, our first class of Turkey Awards is more than well deserving.  Hopefully, their well documented misfortunes and poor decisions will teach people what not to do when your in a role model position.  Maybe there is some good to come after all from this disappointing group of turkeys!

by DUDE
illustration by SCOTT WOODALL

El Duderino is back, but you can call me The Dude if you prefer the whole brevity thing, bringing you this holiday edition of The Sports Page.
In the past year, I have Duded-up with what should have been in a 32-team playoff in college football’s bowl subdivision as simulated by my video game console and the All-Dude Teams, a very fitting, but somewhat misleading chronicle of who should have represented the American and National Leagues in the 2012 Major League Baseball All-Star game based on this Dude’s statistical analysis.

Now my buddy on the couch is getting me everything on my sports wish list this Holiday season and that leads us to The Twelve Days of Dudemas.

Well here goes, enjoy it or don’t, either way, the Dude abides, but please give me a little beat (blows in harmonica) to complete this …
On the twelfth day of Dudemas my buddy on the couch gave to me…

12 Denver Broncos wins! With only the Oakland Raiders circled as a sure win in their first five games and the likes of the Pittsburgh Steelers, Atlanta Falcons, Houston Texans and New England Patriots on the early schedule, a recovery from a 2-3 start to a 12-4 regular season finish wouldn’t only be remarkable, but is definitely not out of the realm of possibility for the fighting Elway’s, errr I mean Manning’s. Look out for the Dude’s battle tested Broncos in January.

On the eleventh day of Dudemas my buddy on the couch gave to me…

An NHL Season at the 11th hour. The Dude doesn’t like to work as much as the next guy, but come on it’s a very long winter without hockey to watch.

On the tenth day of Dudemas my buddy on the couch gave to me…
At least 10 wins by Griz Football in 2013. After a rebuilding year and hopefully avoiding double secret probation, it will be great for the community and the University to have the men in maroon back on top and embarking on a deep playoff run in 2013.

On the ninth day of Dudemas my buddy on the couch gave to me…

What number were we on again? That pretty much explains it. Why I am playing this harmonica again?

On the eighth day of Dudemas my buddy on the couch gave to me…

ESPN the Ocho. It was alluded to in the movie, “Dodgeball” and I have been waiting very patiently with my buddy on the couch day in and day out since the initial tease.

On the seventh day of Dudemas my buddy on the couch gave to me…

Seven new sports video games. How else is The Dude going to not be the best at exercising? Besides, I need to be able to put together my “scientific” polls for BCS buster reports. My buddy sure knows how to keep us glued to the couch.

On the sixth day of Dudemas my buddy on the couch gave to me…

Professional Curling League. The Dude always wanted to be a professional athlete and here is my chance. I really enjoy taking to the sheet and throwing some rocks, but sweeping anything would be like having a job and that will not stand, man.

On the fifth day of Dudemas my buddy on the couch gave to me…

5 Golden Toques. That is actually what Bob and Doug McKenzie from the Strange Brew fame got me for the Pro Curling League, my buddy on the couch took off in the middle of the song, what a hoser, but he is back for the fourth day.

On the fourth day of Dudemas my buddy on the couch gave to me…

The Missoula Osprey’s fourth championship ring since the club nested in Missoula in 1999. The Garden City’s professional baseball franchise that has been affiliated with the Arizona Diamondbacks since day one, have won the Pioneer League in 1999, 2006 and 2012. 2013’s theme should be All For Another Ring, that just really has a Dude-worthy jingle to it.

On the third day of Dudemas my buddy on the couch gave to me…

Retirement of the three worst national baseball broadcasters. ESPN Sunday Night Baseball color commentator Joe Morgan stepped down prior or my buddy on the couch could have delivered this to me on the fourth day of Dudemas, but really, Joe Buck, Tim McCarver and Dave Sims must go. Buck’s very crotchety and speaks in a robotic drone which makes listening to him unbearable. Combine that with McCarver and his groan-worthy puns and it makes The Dude want to pump up “Call Me Maybe,” while watching the World Series on mute. There are social media pages dedicated to ousting the two as well as documenting the unintelligent things that come from this duo.
Dave Sims is something else in himself and couldn’t be missed when talking about broadcasters that need a career change. Sims is the only person that could make former Mariners color commentator Ron Fairly interesting. Even though Fairley was known for stating the brutally obvious, such as “That Dude has hit 29 homeruns this season and that gives you an idea of how many homeruns he has hit,” he is much more bearable than Sims, who is considered great if you are rooting for the opposition.

On the second day of Dudemas my buddy on the couch gave to me…

Pete Rose in the Baseball Hall of Fame. Known as Charlie Hustle and an integral part of the Cincinnati Reds’ Big Red Machine from the 1970s, the man banned from baseball for gambling on the game is reinstated based on his on-field merit and placed where he belongs in Cooperstown, NY. Rose is the major leagues all-time hits leader, won three World Series rings and was a seventeen time all-star at an unprecedented five different positions.

On the last day of Dudemas my buddy on the couch gave to me…

NBA back in Seattle. He saved the best for last on this one. Build the new arena and bring back the Seattle Supersonics to where they belong after being stolen away to Oklahoma City. Maybe Clay Bennett, who purchased the franchise and promised to never move it, will be forced to move by the league someday to the basketball utopia that is the North Pole.

I thought my buddy on the couch might end with a joint under the tree for the last day of Christmas, but seeing that we don’t frequent Washington or Colorado often, it was probably good that he refrained.

Until next time, Merry Dudemas everyone!

by ACE

illustration by SCOTT WOODALL

So for the past month we have had two major sports involved in labor disagreements that have negatively impacted the sports we enjoy and follow.  Yet, we…as fans, remain loyal despite the result of a lesser quality product.  These labor disagreements in the NFL and NHL have nothing to do with the fans.  In fact, they are just battles of greed as two sides fight over money and other issues created by the success of the two sports.  This success that would never have happened without the support of fans like you and I.  We have contributed to the problem by buying tickets, watching events on TV, buying merchandise, etc.  Our support has created this pot of wealth that creates conflict on how it should be divided up.  Yet as they argue and hurt the quality of the product that they produce, we fans continue to hang on and continue to feed the monster.  So I ask you….are we fans too gullible?
Lets take the NFL labor dispute.  This dispute is between the referees who work the games and the NFL league office.  From first blush, one wouldn’t think that these two sides would risk everything to drag this out so much that it would cause the integrity of the game to be questioned.  Yet that is exactly what has happened.  The officials were replaced by replacement referees who were unqualified to handle the speed and power of the pro game.  Keep in mind, that the NFL had to go to great lengths to find replacement referees since college football still has high demand for quality officiating.  So the quality of the officials wasn’t the best of the best out there to begin with.  At any rate, the dispute continued through the pre-season and then spilled into the regular season.  As each game unfolded, we began to see the cracks in the lack of quality officiating create product quality issues for the game itself.  Game lengths increased dramatically making the game hard to watch from beginning to end.  Bad calls became the norm and questioned the integrity of the product and game results.  Players and coaches began to change the way they play the game to “take advantage” of the weaknesses of the replacement officials.  Unbelievably, the game became more physical as players pushed the limit with the ferocity of hits and created a real concern for future serious injury.  
Due to the issues created by this labor dispute, the media and social media circles began a barrage of complaints and voices of displeasure with how the NFL was basking in mediocrity due to the officiating.  Fans screamed about how badly the game was due to the replacement refs.  But through it all, all the way until an agreement was reached last month, we fans kept on feeding the beast with unwavering support of the product.  The tipping point for a new deal between officials and the NFL came on that faithful night of Monday, September 24th when the Seattle Seahawks were awarded a game winning TD on the final play of the game against the Green Bay Packers on a horrible blown call by a replacement official.  This should have been a death blow to the NFL and fan support.  Yet the ESPN Sportscenter post-game show following the incident drew 4.5% of U.S. households making it the most-watched Sportscenter ever!  Yes, we ate up the controversy.  We fed it.  Made it a brand.  However, I will stop short of labeling us as gullible.  Loyal is the word I prefer to use.  On second thought, maybe the NFL should have kept the replacement officials for a few more weeks.  They could have increased their TV money with higher ratings.  After all, more money means more to divide up…er… I mean fight over.

Replacement Ref Humor
One funny and entertaining positive that came from the labor dispute in the NFL and hiring of replacement referees was provided to us by the social media site Twitter.
Some ingenious person out there created a twitter account which posed or parodied as an official account of the replacement refs.  Started on 9/24, this account had over 95,000 followers within days.  Some of the more funny, at least in my opinion, tweets were:
“Finally icing my arm..Throwing flags after every play is harder than you think”
“Just got called to count the votes in Florida for the election this November. That gig was so fun 12 years ago.”
“Still can’t believe the Packers tried to pull their goalie on a hail mary. Everyone knows thats illegal!”
And then there is comedian Steve Martin who on his official twitter account tweeted:
“Just hired the NFL referee substitutes to manage my Laser eye surgery outlets!”
Humor still is the best medicine for things that ill us!

by BETTY

illustration by SCOTT WOODALL

Football season is upon us and I venture to say some women let out a collective sigh of relief while others are giddy with excitement.  My question is:  Which one are you?  I’ve been on both sides of the 50-yard line, and I’m going to take a few minutes to try and sway you to my side of the field.  Some of you won’t budge, but for others we can open a door to Football Nirvana.
In my opinion, there are three types of female football fans – from this point forward,  we’ll refer to them as Forthright-Fanny and Crafty-Cathy, with high hopes of creating more 12th Man Tinas.
FANNY: You’ve got admire the Forthright-Fannys of the world.  These are the ladies who stand their ground from the get-go - “Not interested.  Not going.  Don’t ask.  Have fun.”  They bid their partners goodbye and wish them and their beloved team the best of luck.  Fanny will even wear the token ‘female-fan-who-never-goes-to-the-game’ shirt you buy her every year.  Hard to complain about a gal like that!
CATHY: These are the women who pretend to participate.  They greet Saturday morning with enthusiasm, fill the cooler and don the appropriate attire.  Speaking of attire, female fan foofoorah  has improved drastically in recent years.  Gone are the days of tying up your XXL man-T --- now we have sassy, stylish garb to wear with pride. (Reason No. 1 to become a ‘Tina’)…
Now back being a ‘Cathy’...  You’ve scheduled a permanent babysitter for every home game to ensure no childcare hiccups, making sure your husband knows how difficult that is in Missoula.   No one the wiser while you make eye contact with your partner in crime at the first tailgate party.  Once the game begins, you know it is just a matter of time before the pre-planned “unexpected” phone call (which changes depending on weather, Happy Hour Specials and sales at local boutiques).  Before you know it, Susie has called “unexpectedly” and you turn to your husband and say, “Honey, do you mind if I leave a little early?  Something ‘unexpected’ has come up ….”
Well my friend, you are missing all the fun!!  I encourage you to get off the goalpost and jump in with both feet.  There is nothing genetically superior about a man that makes him better equipped to learn stats, predict the outcome and bleed the team colors (Reason No. 2 to become a ‘Tina’).  It’s just a matter of interest and if you give it a shot, you’ll find a world of interesting facts, hours of entertainment and the ability to hold your own in any Fantasy Football League (Reason No. 3 to become a ‘Tina’).
All the information you need is at your fingertips.  Dive into the Web, spend a little time watching SportsCenter and you’ll be predicting the next quarterback audible and calling a clip before the back judge throws the flag.  Look at it this way: Learning about, watching and enjoying football will do nothing but fine-tune your multi-tasking skills – which is fairly ironic, considering our already overwhelming gender dominance. (Sorry, did I say that??)
So the next time you are planning to bail, consider re-engaging, stay the course and stand toe to toe with your male counterparts in the Wide World of Football.  Impress them with your expertise and enjoy as they stand with their mouths wide open at your newfound knowledge.  In the end, they’ll love it and relish proving your picks wrong the first chance they get.  If all else fails, consider it the best excuse to drink cold beer, eat fattening food and accomplish little else every weekend September through February.  It’s important to remember that old proverb: “If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.”